2011 has been the year of health and a little madness. For some reason, I've been stricken with a range of health problems this year, and in the midst of it all, have had to deal with unbelievable work stress, and have also somehow ended up in rather familiar fucked up situations (but that inevitably make for great stories later in life). As my friend Grace said, "no (Zesty) story is ever completely normal."
Let's begin with my health. After a routine check, a problematic situation was discovered by my doctors that required biopsies and potential surgery. If the fear of the unknown was not scary enough, what made what was a big deal a friggin enormous one was having to deal with a hospital system that billed me for services I should have been covered for (to the tune of close to a thousand buckeroonies), condescending physicians who wrote erroneous reports (don't put Zesty in the corner!!!) , and then sending the wrong reports to my surgeon at another hospital. It got to the point where going to this major hospital, which happens to be my place of work, became a place of great anxiety and agitation. Every time I walked through the hospital doors I became close to tears!!! But, in the spirit of David Banner (alter ego of the Incredible Hulk), I've recently begun to say to people, "Don't make me angry,... you won't like me when I'm angry" because when I see a broken system, I'm determined to make sure it gets fixed. I just kept thinking of patients for whom English is a 2nd language or with limited education. How screwy would that be for them? And if typing "left" vs. "right" is considered a "typo" then I'm the freakin' Queen of England. After extensive email communications, I managed to have a meeting with the Chief of Radiology at this major hospital and she has already made efforts to resolve all of these problems, but no way will I ever go back there for treatment!!
But here is where the absolute comedy of my life kicked in. In the midst of all this, I attended the wedding of a dear friend of mine. Without a doubt, it was one of the most moving, enjoyable and beautiful weddings I have been to in a long while. It helps that I think the bride and groom are wonderful together. Unfortunately, I made a rather poor choice of travelling companion. She is a friend of the bride's and I had met her a few times before. Since both of us were travelling solo, it made sense for us to travel together and split the costs of a rental car and accommodation. Unfortunately, my clinical skills are no longer a force to be reckoned with as I later realized I had made a rather enormous mistake. My travelling companion became a vomiting drunken mess after the wedding. (Think holding plastic bags around her face so she wouldn't vomit on the bridesmaid's bed, then watching her move from room to room vomiting in the rubbish bin, and then the toilet.) It probably didn't help that she consumed Willy Wonka quantities of chocolate right after getting back to the bridesmaid's hotel room that we were camping out in during the day as we had no room for that evening, and leaving the candy wrappers scattered all over the table and floor. To say it was disgusting is pretty much an understatement as I endeavored to dispose of a rubbish bin of vomit when the old people's square dancing convention was in town. My attempts to change out the rubbish bin from hell with a clean one was impossible as I discovered to my horror that these elderly square dancers were pretty much MORE disgusting than the young wedding revellers. All I found were other rubbish bins MORE disgusting than the one I was attempting to dispose of, so that I eventually had to just get rid of the bag of vomit and clean out the bin itself because it was covered in chocolatey/alcoholy vomitron particles, wipe the toilet and carpet clean of vomit particles, and rinse out contaminated towels so that the resident of the room would not be totally grossed out. Then, on the road, I had to drive with the drunk woman (all angry and vomity and banging the window because she couldn't get it open) as she used my favorite coat as a blanket after drooling vomit down her front, on a high speed highway in the middle of the night. And remember, I'm driving on the right instead of the left for pretty much the first time ever. My friend (the bride) was oblivious to the shenanigans. I should have known that something was awry when the travelling companion got in the driver's seat at the beginning of the trip super irritated and "about to lose (her) shit" as she dealt with "slow drivers", then almost rear ended someone at high speed on the highway. In the meantime, I'm thinking, "wtf, I'm going to die today!" but pretended to be all calm in order to not agitate the woman more. And when I said to the bride later in the trip that I wasn't sure who'd be driving back to the airport after the wedding, she said "(so and so) likes to drink". To call my travelling companion a "drinker" was a bit of an understatement I have to say. Gahhhh!!!*
This story, on its own, would have been enough had it not been that I had to immediately fly to Chicago to present a 3.5 hour workshop at a conference that very day on no sleep. I burst into tears at the hotel because they could not check me in early, and I swear I smelt of vomit. I needed a shower so desperately and a nap before my presentation. Luckily, all went ok (not great, but ok nonethless), and I escaped relatively unscathed.
Sigh
Yet something seems so awfully familiar about this story. This is not the first time I've ended up having to rescue someone from a ridiculously bad situation. Sometimes I wonder what I do to elicit such madness!! Is it that people feel comfortable showing me the darkest of dark sides of themselves knowing that I won't judge or falter or be shocked?...and, knowing that I will do the right thing and fix the situation? Should I stop being the perpetual helper?
And as for my health...could it be that I'm actually amazingly lucky to have had these issues discovered? I have health insurance. I live in a Western country. Despite the mistakes in their reports, I do have access to some of the best doctors in the world.
I like to think that throughout all the aforementioned trials and tribulations, nothing bad actually happened. Life ain't all that bad, and I have funny stories to boot. And most importantly, I made it through and came out the other side a little bruised, but relatively ok.
*Dear Bride, if you happen to read this entry, please do not feel bad. It is no one's fault! It is a hilarious story, and I have gained so much confidence in my American driving skills! I know I can pretty much conquer any situation after what I went through. What's more, the wedding was utterly brilliant and wonderful and magical.
